Create an Environment for Change

A Little Dignity Goes a Long Way

Sometimes when someone wants to make a change in life, the circumstances just aren’t right. They may want to change, but find themselves on stage and under scrutiny. They may cease up or become flustered. When we see someone is feeling trapped and helpless we can extend a hand and help them to change the environment or overcome what may appear to be a hopeless situation.

While on police patrol I pulled a car over for an equipment violation. It was what they call a “routine stop”, it was to advise him of the problem. But as I engaged the driver he said he didn’t have any form of identification. He gave me a name, birthday and address and other identifying information, but things just weren’t adding up. He had given me his social security number. Since I couldn’t quite make out my own writing on my note card, I asked him for the number again. He gave me a number that wasn’t even a close match to what he had already given me. I didn’t know who he was and the car he was driving was apparently “borrowed.” He had passengers, but they weren’t talking.

We were at an impasse. I needed to know who this guy was and what he was trying to hide. His passengers still offered no help. On a deeper level I really needed to know ‘why’ he wouldn’t tell me who he really was. Watching his body language I noticed that he was nervous in front of his friends. He tended to look away from them and at the ground. He had no problem being in my presence, but seemed trapped in the presence of his friends. The environment was wrong. So I took him off-stage, away from his friends. I extended some privacy and dignity to him by taking him away from his friends.

As he and I stepped away he relaxed and his whole countenance changed. We quickly established a relationship of trust. In this new environment he immediately confided in me that there was a warrant out for his arrest. He was terribly embarrassed about it and didn’t want his friends to know, and certainly didn’t want to be handcuffed and hauled away in front of them. He told me that he didn’t want to jeopardize the feeling of belonging and acceptance that his friends gave him.

To save him embarrassment I made him an offer. If he would come clean on his ID and the warrant was as he described, I would meet him at another time and place and help him get the warrant behind him. He gratefully agreed and correctly identified himself. Everything matched up. We decided to make the arrangements for a meet by phone later in the evening.

He suggested that we meet at his mom’s house early in the morning, before the neighbors were out and about. As I drove up at 7:00 in the morning he was waiting on the driveway with his mom. His freshly combed hair went well with his neat clothing. He had a light jacket hanging over his arm. He looked more like he was going to a job interview than to jail. His mom gave him a kiss and off we went.

My fellow team members were down the street watching in amazement. They skipped breakfast to see if this guy would actually show up. But what they really wanted to see was what we so often long to see, someone turning a new page in his life.

Often you feel that you are just putting people through the system. This was an opportunity to see someone anxious to take responsibility for his past and be able to move forward. Given the right environment, he took one more step in taking ownership of his life.