7 Signs That You May Be Miserable
25, Mentor: Anne Frank
–How are you today?
–Miserable.
My father often answered people this way when they asked how he was. I wanted to blow it off as a shallow joke. Decades later, here I am still pondering.
Though his friends were simply performing a polite social ritual, the answer left them feeling empty. Was he actually miserable in many ways? Had he given up hope? Was he reflecting a deeper feeling? Or was he, for the fun of it, just trying to catch people in the trap of their own superficial greetings?
“Does Misery Really Love Company?”
According to research cited in an article in ‘Psychology Today’, miserable people seek out other miserable people. Happy people only tolerate miserable people for so long, then move on to seek out other happy people. Misery does not actually love misery so much as it feels justified in the presence of more misery.
Misery vs. Gratitude
USGS. Sylmar Earthquake.
Following the Sylmar Earthquake (1971) I volunteered in food service for many who had lost their homes or utilities. I was struck by how different people responded to the tragedy. Some, understandably burdened by the stress of the crisis, complained about everything. In them I was unable to see even a hint of gratitude. One man barked because the free meal did not include carrot cake; apparently vanilla or chocolate were not good enough.
In contrast, others smiled and went out of their way to spread joy to others. One lady blurted out when she saw a vase of pussy willows by the food line, since her pussy willow tree was destroyed by a fallen chimney. She represented the majority, those who could identify miracles among the devastation and confusion.
7 Signs: You May be Miserable
- TRAGEDY has hit. Maybe you feel stuck with no way out following a tragic event or series of events.You may be in the recovery status, seeking meaning and courage to move forward.
- You ASSUME THE WORST. Are you perpetually disappointed? If this is the case, you seem to already know that things are going to go badly before they happen. Every day sucks.
- You go out of your way to cast BLAME. Do you find that other people or institutions set you up for failure? You may blame others for what is lacking or for what is hanging over you. If this is habitual you may have already unconsciously chosen misery.
- You HATE. Do you assume out of the gate that others hate you? You hate some person, or group, or everyone. Maybe you hate mothers nursing in public, maybe successful executives, welfare recipients, or a purple dinosaur character. If you shut others out of your life or hide from your own feelings, misery may be your lot.
- HOPELESSNESS looms over you. You have given up. Other people seem distant. Nobody can let you down because you are already at rock bottom. You fear that things cannot be better. You fear that when things do get better that you are not prepared.
- You feel GUILT. You dwell on poor choices you have made. All of us can look back and think that we could have done better. Maybe you don’t feel worthy to overcome. Your progress is crippled by depression. You may have tried to justify yourself, but have not learned to forgive yourself.
- You are ADDICTED. Your life seems to be spinning out of control. Maybe you are involved in behaviors that alienate others and blind your progress. Such behaviors include alcohol, drugs, video games, pornography, or anything that causes you to feel like you can’t stop or that make you feel lonely, angry, lethargic, or withdrawn. You may be addicted to anger or other debilitating emotions.
Anne Frank, mentor
Anne Frank found a way. She hid from the Nazis in cramped quarters under constant fear of being discovered. She said, “I don’t think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains.”
One of her dreams was to see Hollywood when the nightmare was over. She maintained hope until the very end. She reached out to her family, reached into her memories of friends, places, experiences and imagination. She found further comfort by writing her thoughts and experiences. Her joy and hope is now on a shelf for those who choose to partake.
Happy people serve others; they share light. They find a way. “Look at how a single candle can both defy and define the darkness.” — Anne Frank
Each of us can find segments of solitude and spiritual cleansing as we journey through darkness. Along that road, trustworthy friends and mentors will appear. Watch for them. Emma Seppala of Stanford University explains that our social response to crises may be partly responsible to our collective survival as a species.
